It's funny cause I always figured that dying would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. The worst thing that could happen to anyone. Obviously, my lifestyle is a bit conductive towards the dangerous and there've been many instances where death seemed to be staring me in the face. But it'd always been worth it. I would never regret going with the Doctor, not ever, and there are some things that are just more important than me. Plenty of things I'd be willing to give my life for.
I was wrong. Death is merciful.
I could hear the whiring of wheels and the Daleks talking amongst themselves and was fairly sure that I had only moments left but I couldn't hear what they were saying and I didn't care. I was lying on the ground curled up in a ball, my hand still tangled up in the Doctor's, and my face resting on his chest. I kept thinking that if I just waited... I am very attached to this current regeneration of the Doctor's (as you probably know) but I'd prefer any regeneration to him just... lying there.
I waited for a long time, my face pressed against the Doctor's pinstriped suit jacket, until I realised that it was quiet. Too quiet. And when I turned my face to look towards where the Daleks had been they were just gone. I sat up then, looked around, couldn't quite believe it, considering it made no sense. They were supposed to kill me, instead they'd just left me there, which was about six million times worse.
For a long time I just stared, and then I started to cry. And I am not sure that I have ever cried like that before. There'd been times, back when everything went wrong with Jimmy especially, when I realised I'd never know my dad, when I lost him the second time those had been tears. I'd cried, and cried hard, but this was different this was like losing everything. I could sit here and try to explain what I was feeling, hallow, sick, chest compressions, all that stuff that is just words, there's just no way.
I don't remember pulling the Doctor back into the TARDIS and I don't remember activating Emergency Protocol One, but the next thing I knew I was in the same position I'd been in, only now the Doctor's suit jacket was covered in tears and Mum was knocking on the TARDIS door from the outside and calling my name. Maybe she could hear my sobs from outside, I couldn't tell, but she sounded worried.
And then somehow I must've opened the door cause she was rushing in, holding me and asking what had happened. I stayed where I was, sobs racking through my body, she stayed with me and hours later when my tears dried up but I still refused to move, she brought me tea that went untouched and then finally she put a blanket over me when I fell asleep.
I don't know how long I was there, but it was a long time. Even I could tell that it was a long time, but I couldn't get myself to move. The TARDIS got dimmer and dimmer until the lights went out all together and I could no longer feel her humming in my mind. And I still couldn't move. I think it was days. Mum kept bringing in tea and sandwiches, a pizza once, and I ate some but not enough, and she'd sit with me some and try to talk but I didn't respond, I couldn't say anything.
And then one day I got up. My legs would hardly move and my heart felt like it weighed about five tonnes but I got up and I got myself out of the TARDIS. It was parked down the street from the Estate, just where it'd landed when he'd sent me back from the Daleks that first time.
Then I went home. Mum was happy to see me out, obviously. She had a client when I went in, and I was sure I looked a complete wreck, but she hurried up to finish and then we sat down with a cup of tea and I told her everything. The tears came back then. She held me and we talked.
"But, I thought that when he was hurt he just changed his face," she said, genuinely confused so that I didn't fault her for asking even though it hurt.
I wiped tears off my face and shrugged a bit. We'd talked about it, the Doctor and me, after Christmas, when he'd been getting all his strength back, and we all exchanged gifts and did the domestic thing until he felt one hundred percent and we couldn't get out of there fast enough. He told me all about it, regeneration, and I thought I understood. Time Lords could repair themselves, change their whole bodies, twelve times, thirteen different bodies, so long as they were dying. Not dead. All those times he'd been scared, ready to die for the rest of the world, he wasn't being glib, he would die and not regenerate if it was fast enough.
She drew me a bath and I changed my clothes, ones that I'd left behind, old clothes, too big but comfortable. And then I went back into the living room.
"Mum, will you cut my hair?" I asked. And she didn't seem happy about it but she nodded and cut my hair into a short crop that went just below my ears, and gave me fringe, into kind of a twenties bob.
I wasn't sure how it looked. I didn't care how it looked. That wasn't the point, I just needed to change.
When it was time to go to bed I left the flat, took a torch with me, and went to sleep on the TARDIS. I knew it was a bit bleak, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be near him, and I cried myself to sleep again.
This went on for about a week before I went back to the Powell Estate one morning and Shareen and Keisha were there. Mum had obviously spun them some story, probably near the truth but something involving South America which is where I was meant to be. We chatted and I might've smiled once or twice even.
Finally Shareen put both her hands on the table and smiled at me sympathetically. "Rose, they're hiring at Henrick's again. And I talked to Susan, down there and she said that cause you were on the premises during that explosion you'd be guarnteed a job," she looked between Keisha and mum then, probably for fortitude and then spoke again, "We all discussed it and we thought it might be best for you to start working again."
More later...
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15 comments:
Can't say i like the tag 'Dead' being next to my name. I mean...Depressing much Rose???
Oh wait...right...i'm dead right now aren't I. I'd best stop commenting thing then....it was all the TARDIS!!!! *Points at the console*
Shut up! You're ruining all the suspense of the story!
Lol, and I WAS depressed!
And how is it my fault that 'dead' and 'Doctor' both start with D??
Well....'The Doctor' doesn't =P. And remember what 9th me said? I've got over 2000 languages and you can't shut me up in any of them!!!
Ooooh just you wait...You've got a hacking coming up after you've finished this little story!!!
... Okay so I should have put a The, pardon me, sir.
And I remember, but I think you said five billion languages, though I sort of bet you've lost count.
Brilliant, it's been awhile, yeah? Maybe I've changed my passwords.
Rose Tyler, you are being a smarty pants. I said OVER 2000 languages. True...5 billion is around the right number...but we should keep it smaller so people don't feel so overwhelmed.
Changed the password? Oooh I'll have about a...oooh...5 seconds of a challenge....?
Okay, sorry! Don't want to intimidate anyone. Even though you walk around making sure everyone knows you're the cleverest person in the room. :-)
And I dunno, it's a very hard password, it might take you ten seconds.
Oooh 10 seconds??? What is it? Captain Jack Harkness?? haha
Notice I've chosen to ignore your other comment....
Oh you figured it out already, you know me and the pretty boys. Ha! Please like I'd make it that obvious.
Besides I only fancied Jack for about five minutes.
Ignore away, clever clogs.
*coughs* 10 minutes...gotta been at least 10...maybe 15! :-)
Cleaver clogs...I wonder...If they can make edible ballbearings...Do you think they could make edible clogs???
MAYBE fifteen, he was very suave and all, Glenn Miller, champagne, invisible ship tethered to Big Ben. Sigh.
Hmm, they do have edible clothing, so it wouldn't be far off to imagine edible footwear. If they don't exist we should invent them.
The dancing...although I blew you away with my prowess right....right???
Edible foot wear...Well you wouldn't want it falling apart on you
Well... obviously.
You had the moves.
... Probably still do. Lol.
And true, the clogs wouldn't be very clever if they were edible and falling apart.
Of course obviosly. And Mr. Fancy Captain Pants was mighty jealous I'll bet
Yeah. I mean, Imagine if you were trying to run and your converses kept falling apart because you kept melting the banana chocolate parts on them. Just not fun. I mean, you could turn around and ask whatever's chasing you to wait a moment but do you think thats really going to work???
Oh yes, I'm sure he was VERY jealous. Lol, I am not sure if Jack Harkness has ever deemed anything worthy enough to be jealous over.
That's so a lie.
Okay, so no edible footwear then. It would get dirty anyway.
How about edible jewelry? Though... they've got that. We've nothing to invent, Doctor. :-(
Hey I've already invented thingamabobs! It's you who hasn't!!
I mean...I've got my sonic screwdriver for starters. What are you going to invent? Maybe edible hats? Oooh what about ties???
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