Entry Twenty-eight- Bolomo (3)

I never really thought that I'd ever get to the point my life where I had to go back to work at Henrick's Department Store. I mean, it wasn't so bad, at a time. Mum even thought it was a bit posh, but I'm a different person now, and going back to work in a shop after travelling and helping people and saving things and all that stuff that I'd done with the Doctor... it was the worst thing that I could imagine.


But I didn't have any other choice. I could have grieved for myself but I had much more important grieving to do. And I missed time and space, obviously, it'd become my life. and I missed every minuted of it. But I missed the Doctor more. Some nights I'd go back to the TARDIS and with a torch, the lights were never on anymore. I couldn't really stay away. I'd wander the halls, exploring rooms I'd never seen before, play dress up in the wardrobe, just like we'd done sometimes, when I begged. I slept in my bed sometimes. I never moved anything, it was all the way it had been when we'd been travelling.

I spent the majority of my time in the console room. It was bleak, depressing really. After Christmas, with the Sycorax, when the TARDIS hadn't been able to translate the language into my head, I'd asked the Doctor what the TARDIS would ever do without him. I knew they were connected, I don't know... physically or something. He said that she probably wouldn't. Time Lords are connected with their TARDISes and if the Time Lord dies the TARDIS has no purpose anymore, and will just... die of grief. Now, standing in the console room, I believed it.


Sometimes I would run my hand over her controls or against the coral columns and sometimes I'd feel a faint hum in my head that was either very faint or wishful thinking, but most of the time I felt nothing. She might've been even more hollow than me.

And life went on. As it must.

I wasn't happy, I wasn't content, I wasn't even myself anymore. And I could tell that people were concerned. Mum could hardly concentrate on anything else and Shareen would come by to watch EastEnders and Hollyoaks, but I couldn't figure out what was going on anymore. They were just actors doing... acting things on a screen. It wasn't important. We'd go out for drinks with Keisha, and they'd try on flirting with boys, but I couldn't react.

I knew that I had to snap out of it, and I tried. I didn't know when would be too long, when everyone would get tired to feeling sorry for me and start feeling annoyed. I didn't think it could be much longer. And I tried I really did, but I couldn't... I just couldn't move on.

And then one night, not any different than any other night, I was tucked up into my bed sleeping and I heard my name. Just once, and not loudly, not alarming, not anything except that it was obviously his voice.

I figured that I had to have been dreaming. But then the next night it was the same. He was calling me again, only this time slightly more urgently. And when I awoke from it, I forced myself back into sleep. He never said anything besides my name, and I knew that it was just my imagination, my mind hearing what it wanted to hear, but I started spending as much time as possible asleep. I called into work sick, I told mum I had a headache one day, a stomach ache the next. I knew that she was concerned, but I didn't care because as long as I was asleep, he'd be talking to me.

And then it wasn't just when I was asleep. One night when Shareen was over for EastEnders I was sitting on the couch eating chips when I heard my name again, clear as day. I stopped mid-chip.

"You okay?" Shareen asked me, and I just nodded. What was I supposed to say. 'My best friend, the most important person in the entire universe, you know the dead one? He was just talking to me in my head'? Hardly.

And then it wasn't just my name. It was "Rose, can you hear me?" or "You can do this, Rose, just..." or "Come on, Rose".

And then really weird things started happening. One day I walked into my bedroom in the Powell Estate and it was my bedroom in the TARDIS. I stared for a moment then went out and went back in again. It was my Powell Estate bedroom again. For an hour another day mum's hair was curly like it had been at day I'd saved and then lost Dad. Another the manager of Henrick's was the one that'd been manager when it'd been blown up rather than the one I had now.

And then Mickey came over. Mickey who'd been living in a parallel universe just the day before. And he acted like I was the mental one, like I was confused, didn't know what was going on. Which... I was starting to think was true.

Then finally, the inevitable. The sky filled with ships. Harriet Jones was Prime Minister again. Mickey had a gigantic gun I'd never seen him with before. Shareen had a baby she'd never given birth to. The Jagrafess was living in my ceiling, I screamed as a Gelth took over mum's body, Mickey was deleted and Keisha turned into a gold statue golem type thing. My head felt like it was going to explode.

So when the door to the flat burst open with choruses of "ex-ter-min-ate" I was hardly surprised. In fact, when they started speaking to me, I was annoyed. I didn't want to hear the ultimatums, I didn't care. Everything had been taken, and it was time.

"Daleks!" I yelled and they all stopped their chorus. "Remember your emperor? You wanna know how he died? That was me. Some stupid little human girl took all of the Time Vortex and turned him into dust! Now what do you have to say about that?"

Predictably, what they had to say was exterminate. Which had been the goal afterall. Because this wasn't right, there was something wrong, and if there was anything that could fix it I had a fairly good idea that this was it. I am not sure how many of them took aim at me. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for pain, cause I was fairly sure that it hurt like hell anyway. It did. My whole body seared and boiled and just before I hit the floor in a heap my eyes flew open.

I was lying in that room full of mirrors back on that planet with the factory and the Doctor was hovering over me, and he grinned when he saw my eyes open and said, "Bout time!"

My mouth fell open and I tried to sit but there was something around my head preventing me. The Doctor soniced it off and I flew into his arms. I couldn't quite believe that he was here, and he was fine and just... not dead. But he was there sort of laughing at me because I was sobbing into his lapel.


"Oh, Rose... it's okay now. All the equipment's off now and look you're back!"

I knew I must look a wreck, but I mean... I was well happy! It was only then that I sort of looked around and said, "What. the. Hell?"

"This," he said waving his arms around the room, "was the Dream Factory on the planet Bolomo. It was built so that people could come here for holidays or whatever and they'd go into dreams which the neurological enhancer would propigate into well... the best thing they could dream up. Cheaper than a real holiday and takes about .2 percent the time it would be if all that was acted out in real time. Bet it felt like months, nah, was just about ten minutes.
"
I shook my head, "That was no dream." I said, hooking a thumb at the equipment I'd just been attached to.

"No, it wouldn't be," the Doctor said, nodding, "no cause it all went wrong, didn't it. Like it always goes wrong when you try to take the easy way of things. They realised there was no way to block out the nightmares. People'd pay good money to come for a lovely holiday and they'd end up in their worst fears. Pretty soon the whole thing was overrun with nightmares, there was no stopping it. They tried to cut back on costs by using robotic workers who'd hone in on live humanoid creatures and hook them into the machines, there's feeding tubes and of course the neuroplastic helmet."

"Of course."

"Yeah. But eventually the corporation was given a red card and every living thing moved out, everyone knows now to go to Bolomo now. Well, there's nothing here but the Dream Factory, and that's what you're keen to avoid. Bit of bad lucky for us, I'd say. I thought for awhile you were going to be in there for hours and hours. I might've gotten awfully bored."

I rolled my eyes and then got indignant, "Well why didn't they take you?"

"Don't be silly, course they did. Hooked me in same as you, just got myself out sooner. All you've got to do is die. Of course... you have to realise you're in a dream first, I suppose. That's the trick really. But then again, I'm very clever."

"What did you see?" I asked him.

"Oh, you know, but what about you? Did the world end? Earth, I mean, Earth."

I shook my head, "The Earth was there. It was- well anyway, can we get out of here first. Please?"

He nodded, used his sonic on the helmety thing again, zapping it so that smoke rose. I figured he'd just knackered it. I supposed the whole place was safe now. Then he stood, took my hand and off we trundled to the TARDIS.

"Probably best," he said, "battling your head does work up an appetite and I've just remember the most fantastic nut sugar loaf you can only get at this tiny stop on this tiny planet in the Zolgi System. What do you say?"

I nodded, fiddling with my hoop earring and pretending to think about. "Yeah, nut sugar loaf sounds about right."

Until next time.

Entry Twenty-seven- Bolomo (2)

It's funny cause I always figured that dying would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. The worst thing that could happen to anyone. Obviously, my lifestyle is a bit conductive towards the dangerous and there've been many instances where death seemed to be staring me in the face. But it'd always been worth it. I would never regret going with the Doctor, not ever, and there are some things that are just more important than me. Plenty of things I'd be willing to give my life for.

I was wrong. Death is merciful.

I could hear the whiring of wheels and the Daleks talking amongst themselves and was fairly sure that I had only moments left but I couldn't hear what they were saying and I didn't care. I was lying on the ground curled up in a ball, my hand still tangled up in the Doctor's, and my face resting on his chest. I kept thinking that if I just waited... I am very attached to this current regeneration of the Doctor's (as you probably know) but I'd prefer any regeneration to him just... lying there.

I waited for a long time, my face pressed against the Doctor's pinstriped suit jacket, until I realised that it was quiet. Too quiet. And when I turned my face to look towards where the Daleks had been they were just gone. I sat up then, looked around, couldn't quite believe it, considering it made no sense. They were supposed to kill me, instead they'd just left me there, which was about six million times worse.

For a long time I just stared, and then I started to cry. And I am not sure that I have ever cried like that before. There'd been times, back when everything went wrong with Jimmy especially, when I realised I'd never know my dad, when I lost him the second time those had been tears. I'd cried, and cried hard, but this was different this was like losing everything. I could sit here and try to explain what I was feeling, hallow, sick, chest compressions, all that stuff that is just words, there's just no way.

I don't remember pulling the Doctor back into the TARDIS and I don't remember activating Emergency Protocol One, but the next thing I knew I was in the same position I'd been in, only now the Doctor's suit jacket was covered in tears and Mum was knocking on the TARDIS door from the outside and calling my name. Maybe she could hear my sobs from outside, I couldn't tell, but she sounded worried.

And then somehow I must've opened the door cause she was rushing in, holding me and asking what had happened. I stayed where I was, sobs racking through my body, she stayed with me and hours later when my tears dried up but I still refused to move, she brought me tea that went untouched and then finally she put a blanket over me when I fell asleep.

I don't know how long I was there, but it was a long time. Even I could tell that it was a long time, but I couldn't get myself to move. The TARDIS got dimmer and dimmer until the lights went out all together and I could no longer feel her humming in my mind. And I still couldn't move. I think it was days. Mum kept bringing in tea and sandwiches, a pizza once, and I ate some but not enough, and she'd sit with me some and try to talk but I didn't respond, I couldn't say anything.

And then one day I got up. My legs would hardly move and my heart felt like it weighed about five tonnes but I got up and I got myself out of the TARDIS. It was parked down the street from the Estate, just where it'd landed when he'd sent me back from the Daleks that first time.


Then I went home. Mum was happy to see me out, obviously. She had a client when I went in, and I was sure I looked a complete wreck, but she hurried up to finish and then we sat down with a cup of tea and I told her everything. The tears came back then. She held me and we talked.

"But, I thought that when he was hurt he just changed his face," she said, genuinely confused so that I didn't fault her for asking even though it hurt.

I wiped tears off my face and shrugged a bit. We'd talked about it, the Doctor and me, after Christmas, when he'd been getting all his strength back, and we all exchanged gifts and did the domestic thing until he felt one hundred percent and we couldn't get out of there fast enough. He told me all about it, regeneration, and I thought I understood. Time Lords could repair themselves, change their whole bodies, twelve times, thirteen different bodies, so long as they were dying. Not dead. All those times he'd been scared, ready to die for the rest of the world, he wasn't being glib, he would die and not regenerate if it was fast enough.

She drew me a bath and I changed my clothes, ones that I'd left behind, old clothes, too big but comfortable. And then I went back into the living room.

"Mum, will you cut my hair?" I asked. And she didn't seem happy about it but she nodded and cut my hair into a short crop that went just below my ears, and gave me fringe, into kind of a twenties bob.

I wasn't sure how it looked. I didn't care how it looked. That wasn't the point, I just needed to change.

When it was time to go to bed I left the flat, took a torch with me, and went to sleep on the TARDIS. I knew it was a bit bleak, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be near him, and I cried myself to sleep again.

This went on for about a week before I went back to the Powell Estate one morning and Shareen and Keisha were there. Mum had obviously spun them some story, probably near the truth but something involving South America which is where I was meant to be. We chatted and I might've smiled once or twice even.

Finally Shareen put both her hands on the table and smiled at me sympathetically. "Rose, they're hiring at Henrick's again. And I talked to Susan, down there and she said that cause you were on the premises during that explosion you'd be guarnteed a job," she looked between Keisha and mum then, probably for fortitude and then spoke again, "We all discussed it and we thought it might be best for you to start working again."

More later...

Entry Seven - Earth (Still)

Couple of things today, no photos as it's a long one.

First, the Doctor is clearly insane. I understand that eighty years is not a long time to someone who's already lived for over nine hundred and is nowhere near slowing down, but to gripe on about something so absurd is ludicrous. All day he followed me around with glasses of water telling me that I should keep my skin hydrated so that I wouldn't feel the need to slather on anti-wrinkle cream any time soon. I'm 20 years old, I am unconcerned about the 'human aging process' as he calls it. And I really don't need him hacking into my blog and posting photos of me and my mum side by side!

But anyway! We're still on Earth, London, Powell Estate, Flat 48 of Bucknall House... okay maybe I shouldn't be broadcasting my address on the internet? Oh well, I doubt anyone reads this anyway, except maybe a few. I know HelenW does, yay HelenW.

So, as the Doctor already informed everyone I went out last night when a couple of my mates, Shareen and Keisha, I ran into Keisha's cousin last night at the chippy and she told the two of them that I was home. So just as soon as me and the Doctor and mum were finished with our chips they came knocking on the door begging me to go out with them (the Doctor had conveniently hidden himself in my bedroom at this point). I was going to beg off, but I got to thinking that it'd be nice to have a pint with my mates again. They invited the Doctor along too, of course (Keisha's met him, they got on okay I think even though there were weird happenings at the time and all), but I couldn't even get him to come out of the bedroom to meet Shareen, which I thought was just a bit rude.

We went down to the pub down the street and had a couple of pints, caught up. They're both dating blokes who I haven't met, but everything's working out great. Vicky broke up with Kyle after he threw a brick through Chris's car window when he caught them talking. Marie got a job as a waitress at some posh new place up near Bond Street. It was all the gossip I used to not be able to wait to hear, but for some reason it sounded completely mundane. I sat there and chewed on my nails though, cause I knew eventually there were going to ask about me and I hadn't the slightest idea of what to tell them.

And then the worst thing that I could possibly imagine happened.

Shareen got a sort of queer look on her face and I could see her nudge Keisha under the table so I laughed and turned to see what it was that they were looking at, and there, standing by the door to the pub with some slapper with fuck me heels and the most hideous colour of bottle blonde, was Jimmy Stone.

The ex of exes.

I will not get into the whole story about Jimmy and me but I will say that I moved out of my mum's flat to live with him instead of finishing school and getting my A Levels. I was completely blinded by my stupid infatuation for the git and had the stupidity to believe that he actually loved me. It ended badly. And with tears. And me in debt I finished paying off just before my job blew up. Needless to say I never wanted to see him again, as he is a complete wanker.

And despite all this, I was frozen to the spot and couldn't speak, even when he was standing right in front of me waiting for a response.

He was all smirky, thinking he had it better with his whore of a girlfriend, ripped band tee shirt, and second hand leather jacket that he never took off, even in our flat. He stared waiting for me to speak, I stared unable to speak (cursing myself for being so affected), and Whore had the audacity of giggle!

Finally, he spoke again; "Out with the girls, I see," he said. "Guess you're not with that Mickey Smith anymore, I heard he moved away. Shame."

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. What was I meant to say?! Yeah, Mickey decided to go live in a Parallel Universe which is now sealed off so that I'll never see him again? Obviously not. And I knew that Jimmy was just trying to needle me, the frustrating bit was that it was working!

Luckily, Shareen and Keisha could always be depended upon to say something, though what they picked wouldn't have been my first choice. "She's got a new bloke now," Shareen said, all defiantly. "He's some sort of doctor and they travel," Keisha added. All I could do was nod.

Jimmy did not seem all that impressed. Actually, he didn't seem like he believed them. I suppose it would be rather hard to believe that I could land a doctor, in the sense that he was thinking doctor, not that... Anyway, I didn't feel like I could rightly lie and call the Doctor 'my bloke' anyway. Jimmy left clearly feeling like he'd gotten the upper hand. Which depressed me to no end. So we got more pints. And more pints. Many pints in I was well pissed and we all trudged back to the Powell Estate to collapse on the sofas like we used to do.

Though when we passed the play park Keisha decided she wanted to swing, and Shareen immediately went to the slide. I think they might've been a bit confused, if they hadn't been so pissed, as to why I went for the police box. I had my key like always but my head was a bit everywhere, so I knocked, not really sure why because I was fairly sure that the Doctor would've been tucked up in the flat, watching telly or something, but he answered the door, very confused looking and I just laughed and pulled him out of the TARDIS by his tie.

He looked a bit bug eyed and Shareen came down the slide and goes: "Oi! Who are you and where'd you come from?!" To which I said something which came out sort of like this "Sissssducktuh." And Keisha fell of the swing and said: "Doctor! We don't have chips with newsprint!"

Shareen then got up, poked the Doctor in the chest, and said "You! You are stole my Rosie! Mickey said all about you, but he said you had big ears. Your ears are normal size." I laughed and said "His ears used to be big!" and then lost my footing and tripped. The Doctor had to hold me up so that I didn't fall.

"Okay," he said after a few more moments of being poked by Shareen, and drooled upon by me, "let's get you girls up and to bed, you've obviously consumed a higher level of liquor than the 0.08% blood alcohol count stipulated by the United Kingdom. In which you live. Judging by your reaction time, over-expression, and all around boisterousness, you're probably on the scale at around 0.11–0.20 %. Best sleep it off."

Shareen squinted at him and Keisha giggled, I came dangerously close to saying something incredibly stupid.

He was very good though, for the anti-domestic that he is, he tucked them both up on the couch and me in my bed and was very good about it when I wouldn't let go of his hand. He stayed until I fell asleep but when I woke up he was, unsurprisingly, gone.

But mum made breakfast for everyone. Real proper breakfast. Gorgeous. And we all gorged ourselves until the effects of the ciders were well buried under toast, beans, eggs, and sausages. The girls asked about our travels and we gave some mumbo jumbo about South America, while mum shot me glances out the side of her eye. The girls left after breakfast and I promised them I'd call and visit back again soon, even though I sort of knew that I wouldn't.

Mum handed over my clean laundry and we exchanged hugs again. And it was time to go. Back into time and space, spinning throughout the universe.

Until next time.